9/8/07

Blog Update: THIS BLOG is MOVING!

Dear Friends,

A decision has been made to move this blog to a new address. Please visit us at our NEW Blog [with]tv site at http://withtv.typepad.com...

While you're there, please feel free to take a moment to comment and tell us what you think. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

And don't forget to change your links and bookmark settings to reflect this change. We're counting on you to help us grow. Blog [with[tv!

Thank you,

Connie Kuusisto
Blog Master [with]tv

This will be a work in progress so please bare with us as we transfer posts and links. Thank you!

9/7/07

Disabilities at the Multiplex: Resurrecting the Champ


Disabilities at the Multiplex
With Stephen Snart


Resurrecting the Champ




Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Josh Hartnett, Kathryn Morris, Dakota Goyo and Alan Alda
Written by Michael Bortman and Allison Burnett
Directed by Rod Lurie
Distributor: Yari Film Group Releasing
Release Date: August 24 (select cities)
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 111 minutes

Loosely based on a story reported in a L. A. Times Magazine article in 1997, Resurrecting the Champ tells a tale of a brash, young journalist and a former heavyweight boxer turned brain-damaged homeless man. The former boxer, played with verve by the intrepid Samuel L. Jackson, is first seen rummaging through a dumpster behind a Denver sporting complex. He’s become popular with a group of mid-twenty dimwits who come around and give him a few dollars in return for boxing with “The Champ.” One evening, after an unspectacular bantamweight match, local sportswriter Erik Kernan (Josh Hartnett) discovers The Champ and saves him from the group of drunken amateur pugilists with the type of Good Samaritan ethos that only exists in the movies. After talking with The Champ for a few minutes, he learns that the local homeless man is actually Bob Satterfield, a once-great boxer in the mid-50s.


Erik takes an immediate interest in The Champ and begins visiting him on a daily basis, culling information for the makings of a feature article. The Champ is initially reluctant but after Erik supplies him with a brown-bagged 40, the stories start a-flowing. In spite of his shabby appearance and his short attention span, The Champ’s knowledge of the ring is immaculate. Erik invites him to tag along to a local fight and The Champ is instantly able to predict the winner through keen observation and personal recollection; his insight helping Erik to file an exceptional write-up of the match.


But Erik’s interest in Bob isn’t necessarily benevolent; in fact it’s mostly routed in self-aggrandizing opportunism. See, Erik is trapped in the shadow of his deceased father’s prolific career as a sports announcer. He tried to distinguish himself by taking on over 65 bylines for the Denver Times Sports Page the previous year but his prickly editor (Alan Alda) describes it as: “a lot of typing, not much writing.” So, Erik sees his chance meeting with The Champ as a prime opportunity to garner attention for his own sports writing rather than a way to raise awareness about The Champ’s destituteness.


It’s difficult to discuss The Champ’s mental condition without divulging too much of the plot but suffice to say, his brain has been significantly addled in the ring. Although, since his memory of his boxing days seems firmly intact, the film suggests his years on the street have taken a far worse toll on his mentality.

Following The Caveman’s Valentine in 2001, this is the second film in which Jackson has taken on the lead role of a homeless man. In Resurrecting the Champ, he again takes his job as seriously as the consummate professional that he is. His face caked with dirt and grime seemingly seeping from his pores (a flawless make-up job by Allan A. Apone), Jackson is completely immersed in his character for the film’s entirety, never once winking at the camera or revealing his celebrity persona. Unfortunately, the filmmakers don’t seem quite as respectful of the character as Jackson does, as they occasionally exploit his condition for story’s sake; not unlike the way Erik is using The Champ for his article.

The film bears no real examination of the practicality of The Champ’s survival on the streets. No mention is made of the harsh Denver snowfalls that can range from mid-October to the end of April or for that matter, how many of them he has weathered. Nor is there any insight into the homeless community, save for a brief scene set in a soup kitchen. Which in turn raises the question – one the movie refuses to acknowledge – does The Champ deserve any extra attention than the droves of other homeless people roaming the streets? Granted, the majority of the film is told from Erik’s perspective and his character readily illustrates that he has little interest in such details. But that’s not an excuse, the film still features scenes of The Champ that exist outside of Erik’s realm of knowledge; just they’re used primarily to show him fending off his mid-20 assailants.


While the situation of a mentally fractured homeless man is mildly exploited for the sake of dramatic license, it permits the film to conduct a truly remarkable slight-of-hand: convincing the audience to feel almost as much sympathy for a self-centered journalist as for a wandering poor. As Erik spiels the doom and gloom of his journalism career – highlighting everything from the internet’s takeover to corporate politicking to unreasonable time conditions – it’s all enough to dissuade even the pluckiest of high school newspaper editors from considering a career in journalism.

Much of the effectiveness of the character is due to the screenwriters’ decision – and Hartnett’s willingness – to assuage cloy sympathy by playing up the character’s considerable faults instead of clinging to the few positives that he does exhibit. The brilliance being that Hartnett’s performance is able to convey the character’s naïve disillusion.

In a string of heartbreaking scenes, we see Erik filling his six-year-old son Teddy’s head (a sweetly sincere performance by young Dakota Goyo) with a series of white lies about his job, never stopping to realize the damage he is causing until it’s too late.
The screenwriters, Michael Bortman and Allison Burnett, demonstrate a keen ability to write complex lead characters but also a need for them to pay more attention to plotting.

There are a number of plot holes here that certainly couldn’t stand nine rounds and probably wouldn’t hold up much longer than one round (i.e. one viewing). Further, the ending is certainly too cutesy for a film hard-hitting enough to present such a flawed lead character and dexterous enough to evoke sympathy for him. But still, the basic story is an engrossing one and the lead performers have such a beguiling quality that it’s easy to brush off some of the less plausible aspects of the script and simply give in to the impassioned yet understated acting.

Description of photo above: Setting: a park in early fall perhaps. It's cold enough for the three characters to wear light jackets. A young man (Josh Hartnett)
is sitting on a piece of playground equipment and a child, a boy, is in his lap leaning up against him. Standing in the grass in front of them, facing them, is the Samuel L. Jackson character. He's in a boxer's stance, knees bent, fists in front of his face, as if demonstrating his boxing moves.

9/6/07

Feel Your Heart Race with the Victory Junction Gang

"Focusing on Abilities"

Written by: Karen Stallings

The Actor, Paul Newman, opened and founded The Hole in the Wall Gang Camp in Ashford, Connecticut in 1988, for children with cancer and serious blood disorders. He named The Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for the ragtag bandits from his movie, “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid”. Since 1988, Newman has founded camps in New York, Florida, Ireland, France and California. He wants to give children the chance to “kick back,” relax and have lots of fun!” Newman insists that the camps’ focus would be about fun and it could be free of charge for the campers and their families.

The NASCAR Driver, Kyle Petty and his wife, Pattie, partnered with Paul Newman in October of 2000, to launch their most ambitious project to date – The Victory Junction Gang Camp. This project was founded to honor their son, Adam, (the first fourth generation professional athlete in the United States) who was killed in May of 2000 during practice for a NASCAR Busch Grand National Series Race in Loudon, New Hampshire. A study was done and found that there were over 230,000 chronically ill children within radius of the proposed Victory Junction site. The study also found that there were very few opportunities for children with needs to attend a camp and there wasn’t any facility similar to a Hole in the Wall Gang Camp in the region.

Victory Junction Gang serves children from ages 7-15, with the following diseases and conditions: arthritis, asthma, heart diseases, spina bifina, kidney & liver diseases, sickle cell, etc. Victory Junction primarily serves children from North and South Carolina, Virginia. Due to the close relationship with NASCAR, Victory Junction will accept a limited number of campers on a national basis. Final selection for camp admission is determined by the Victory Junction Medical Advisory Board.

Victory Junction is an independent not for profit organization with a dedicated staff. Each camp in the Hole in the Wall Association has boards of directors and founders. NASCAR named Victory Junction as a proud sponsor and pledged their support through a comprehensive media campaign. In addition, many of the teams, owners and track owners support the camp with individual contributions.

Victory Junction has its camp year round! During the summer, there are eight one week disease specific camp sessions. The reminder of the year there are family retreats, specialized programs for smaller diseases groups, sibling weekends and camper reunions. There is no fee to attend the camp for the children and their families. The camp has volunteers and medical volunteers that work there. Everyone is welcome there to work as a volunteer including people with disabilities.

If you are interested in attending the camp, being a volunteer and making donations, contact the Victory Junction Gang Camp at 4500 Adam’s Way, Randleman, North Carolina 27317. The telephone number is (336) 498-9055. The fax number is (336) 498-9090. The website is www.victoryjunction.org

So, climb on board the Victory Junction Gang Platform and feel your heart race!

Meet Columnist Karen Stallings

Karen is the Executive Director of the Association of Self Advocates of N.C., Inc. She's an actress & a board member for a inclusive theater company, Raleigh Ensemble Players and she's currently writing her autobiography, "I'm not Disabled, I'm just a little Inconvenience", as well as a play "Soldiers of Empowerment". Karen is on many boards & committees in her community. She's been married for 9 years and she loves to travel.

Karen and her husband host and produce an award winning TV program called "Speak Up, Speak Out, Voices in the Community" on which they interview guests to
talk about different disability issues...It has been on the cable access channell for 8 years. In addition, they edit and distribute a newsletter, Disability Express

Karen will be contributing posts in a column she is calling "Focusing on Abilities."

Disabled Peoples Assembly Film Series

Submitted by Day Al-Mohamed

The 7th annual DPI World Assembly in Korea has a small film festival attached to it. The mission of the Assembly is for people with disabilities from around the world to have the opportunity to meet and discuss the various status’ of people with disabilities in their countries, and to consider various progress plans together, share best practices, adopt resolutions and to basically share information.

Their side event of a Disability Film Screening includes 9 films. Most are from Korea and unfortunately I couldn’t find out much about them; Google translator isn’t quite ready for Korean. But there were two American films.

39 Pounds of Love

This film is about Ami Ankilewitz who was born with spinal muscular atrophy. A doctor told his parents he might live for six years; the film starts at his 34th birthday. The film follows him on his journey to fulfill his dreams: to visit his brother in America, to ride a Harley, and to find that doctor and tell him he was wrong.

http://www.39poundsoflove.com/main.html
39 Pounds of Love Official Website (Not screenreader accessible)

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051208/REVIEWS/51205004/1023
Roger Ebert Movie Review

Bethel - Community and Schizophrenia in Northern Japan

This film is about a small fishing town on the northern island of Hokkaido where the Bethel House organization supportsa small but vibrant group of people with schizophrenia and other psychosocial disabilities. Through various work programs, group homes, and a close relationship with the hospital and town, Bethel’s members slowly reintegrate into Japanese society. The film explores how the members of Bethel struggle with their lives, their problems, and the meaning of community.

http://www.disability.jp/bethel/
Website for Bethel

http://www.photoethnography.com/blog/
Bethel Director’s Personal Blog

What I think is important and what I want to draw attention to, is the growing number of conferences and festivals that have added side presentations, sessions and events on disability film. Yay! Hopefully, eventually we will be seeing more people with disabilities not only in film at these “disability events” but more people with disabilities making movies and these films at all film festivals and events.

Main Event Link: http://www.dpiwa.net/eu/
7th annual DPI World Assembly in Korea

Cross-posted at Day in Washington

Meet Columnist Mark Siegel

Mark Siegel is an attorney who works as a policy consultant for the State of Minnesota, where he specializes in the areas of disability and employment. Mark lives in Minneapolis and when he's not working, Mark enjoys film, live music, writing, and all things geek. He is a graduate of St. Norbert College and the University of Minnesota Law School.

For the past five years, Mark has been blogging at The 19th Floor. He is also currently guest-blogging for the BBC.

TV Nation

Written by: Mark Siegel

I love television. For a long time, a statement like that was likely to earn you sneers from the intelligentsia. After all, television was supposed to be a wasteland that that catered to the lowest common denominator. Cheap laughs, shallow characters, simplistic plots: television was supposed to have none of the qualities of great art or literature. Television belonged to the great unwashed masses and it would never transcend its pedestrian limitations. At least, that was the conventional wisdom.

In truth, television has never been quite as mind-numbing as its critics proclaimed. For every dozen wretched sitcoms, there's at least one MASH. For every hackneyed drama, there's at least one The Sopranos. But now, television writers are finally beginning to realize that television is capable of telling layered stories with complex characters. Lost, Battlestar Galactica, The Office, The Wire: these shows rival and sometimes surpass anything that can be seen at the multiplex. There are so many good stories being told on television that I was compelled to add extra storage space to my TiVo.

And that's why I'm so excited about [with]tv. It's an opportunity to tell some great stories--our stories. As people with disabilities, we have perspectives and experiences that don't get much play in the media, except for the occasional human interest story on the local news. When [with]tv becomes a reality, it will give us the means to tell our stories on our terms. But I don't want [with]tv to simply be "the disabled channel". I want to see shows that aren't just about people with disabilities; I want to see shows that feature characters who happen to have disabilities. Sometimes the disability will be a part of the story and sometimes it won't even be mentioned. Because isn't that how it is for most of us with a disability? There are those occasions when our disabilities are front and center and can't be ignored, but much of the time it's background noise.

Over the coming weeks and months, I'll be posting here about various topics related to disability, pop culture, and whatever my current television obsession is. I'll do my best to keep it interesting. I'm really excited to be part of the [with]tv community.

9/4/07

Thank you, David

For this endorsement of [with]tv...

A piece of fiction, with a link to reality.

Written by: Thomas Reid

When I lost my sight, many people asked if I was going to eventually get a guide dog. I usually responded, “No, at least not right now.” The geek in me started thinking of my ultimate guide, a robot.
I am not talking about one of those little robot dogs kids play with or one of those little vacuum cleaners, I am talking about a full sized, multi featured robot. Let’s call him Belvedere or Belvy for short - at least that is what I would call mine. Think of Robocop without the automatic weapons, at least not in version 1.

Belvy would stand about 6 feet with a muscular frame. He would not take on any characteristics of a human other than two arms legs torso and head. A shiny silver metallic color equipped with some really useful functionality and of course some cool gadgets.

Check out a day in my life with my robot Belvy.

“Good morning Sir, this is your scheduled wake up call. As you requested, I will play the song you decided would best help you to begin your day. As Public Enemy’s “Welcome to the Terrodome” plays, Belvy accompanies me into the bathroom where he  has prepared my clothes for the day, according to my previously loaded command, loaded via Bluetooth of course

After brushing my teeth and shaving, Belvy cleans up, removing any hair left in the sink. “Would you care for cologne today sir?” Yes please Belvy” Belvy recognizes my voice and only obeys my commands.

While eating my breakfast, made to order, I ask Belvy, “What is on my calendar today?” You have a meeting at10:30, a lunch appointment at 1 and you have to pick up your daughters at 4.” “Great! Start the car. For my music, I would like to hear “Songs in the Key of Life.” Set your GPS to the address listed in the address field for my first appointment.” As Belvy walks out to the garage where my truck is parked, I gather the rest of my things.

Many people wonder how Belvy is able to drive me any where I want to go. Both he and the truck are equipped with matching GPS navigation systems. Belvy’s however, includes walking routes. The truck is equipped with auto sensory detection that automatically senses on coming traffic and alerts when cars are too close. Between the technology in the truck and Belvy, I am safer than driving with a human. Belvy doesn’t get road rage or upset. As we are driving to the appointment, Belvy asks “Would you like me to call ahead sir” “Yes please.” Belvy activates his on board phone and dials the number directly from my contact database. “Good morning this is Mr. Belvedere calling on behalf of Mr. Reid. He will be attending the meeting and according to my calculations should be arriving by 10:20. Thank you.” All the while I am seated comfortably in the back seat enjoying Stevie Wonder’s “As.”

When we arrive at the appointment, Belvy immediately parks the truck. Belvy exits and opens the back door for me. “Would you like to go sighted guide sir?” “Yes please Belvy.” I hold onto his elbow and we proceed to the entrance of the building. His on board navigation kicks in automatically to the walking route. When we enter the building the GPS immediately detects a building internal navigation system, Belvy determines the meeting will be held on the 4th floor in conference room C.

I earlier programmed Belvy to record the entire meeting. I remove the wireless keyboard, securely stowed away in Belvy’s rear compartment located on his torso and jot down some notes. Belvy’s hi speed wi-fi connectivity allowed me to quickly check my email and access documents on my home network.

Following the meeting I decide to walk to my lunch date 10 blocks away. As we walk, “Belvy, tell me the points of interest.” Belvy immediately begins listing the various businesses and shops in the area. “As we pass a perfume store I decide to purchase something for my wife.” Belvy immediately detects the RFID tags and generates a list of perfumes. He compares that to a list of my wife’s current collection to determine which she would most like. I sample a few and decide on a purchase. “Sir, you have 12 minutes to get to your next appointment. I pay for the perfume and continue walking. Belvy has adjusted his walking speed to assure we are not late. Several on lookers try to stop us asking about Belvy, but I engage the anti on looker mode. Each time someone calls out to us Belvy simply says through his surround sound speaker system “Sorry, we cannot stop right now, but if you are interested in learning more about us please visit http://www.reidmymind.com/.”

During the lunch with my wife, Belvy sits in a chair at the table with us. I ask Belvy to play some random slow jams from back in the day. Shirley Murdock’s As we lay” begins as I hand my wife the perfume.

After lunch Belvy and I head back to the truck. This time I disengage the anti on looker mode. Stopping several times to talk with various people on the street to explain how Belvy works. I even show off his high speed internet access, his on board high definition television screen, mainly used by my kids when we are on the road to access the thousands of movies stored in the 10 terabyte hard drive.

On the way home my music selection changes a bit and I listen to Boogie Down Productions “Criminal Minded.” We make it back in time to get my daughters from school. As usual they ask if they can show Belvy to one of their friends. I have him demo’ his latest Xbox, games. The girls just smile as their friends admire Belvy.

When we arrive home Belvy begins dinner as directed while I help the girls with their homework. When my wife arrives home we all sit down and enjoy a meal together. “Belvy, why don’t you head over to your recharging center and I’ll do the dishes.” “Thank you Sir, will do.”

That’s the least I can do for my man, uh, robot that is, Belvy!

Think it’s far fetched, check this out.

Cross-posted at Reid My Mind

9/3/07

Protesting Pity

It's Labor Day which to many people with disabilities has a meaning all it's own, as was mentioned in this post.

Join Kara and friends as they "Protest Pity" and examine each other's reactions to the annual Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. Kara writes:

"Welcome to the first annual Anti-Telethon Blogswarm (online gathering of bloggers to bring attention to an important issue). By stopping by, you’ve joined our protest against pity."

Cross-posted on Planet of the Blind

9/2/07

Thoughts on the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon

Written by Howard Renensland, CEO & Founder, [with]tv

I wanted to add a few thoughts on the ongoing and most probably never ending discussion – slash – debate on the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. I started [with]tv so people with disabilities and their community could have a true mainstream media voice.

While I personally applaud all those brave individuals who continue to wage a war of protest against the myriad wrongs inflicted upon this community and urge the continuance of these and any and all measures –acts of violence aside –meant to advance the global cause of people with disabilities I do not feel they will accomplish their mission without the existence of [with]tv or something very much like it.

Indeed I feel that [with]tv as an element of “popular culture” will accomplish this mission more quickly. We need a media voice where anyone can see people with disabilities in the same numbers and in the same roles as they can see people without disabilities. Period. We need a media voice that will include “our stories” from “our perspective” amongst the remainder of its 168 hours of weekly programming and in those stories that have “Absolutely nothing” to say about or do with disabilities have casts and crews where 17%+ of the workforce and management are people with disabilities.

Let me again state clearly that I support all forms of advocacy and protest. Yet, we must be aware that there is in the world an overwhelming amount of backlash against people who protest anything, including people with disabilities, that at many times rises to outright anger, hatred, and in some cases what are now being termed “hate crimes” against people with disabilities. In addition to this backlash there is so much confusion, lack of knowledge, inconsistency, misunderstanding, and fear. We still have members of our community who use terms like “wheelchair bound” and are totally comfortable doing so.

It will be the editorial position of [with]tv to give voice to all sides of all questions and we will invite commentary from those with and without disabilities. When we feel strongly about an issue we will say so, but we will respect all sides. I have followed this philosophy personally. My family and I have always advocated for full inclusion while respecting the opinion of others and recognizing that each person and family must choose their own path.

So as to Mr. Lewis and the folk at MDA I would say, “Raise all the money you can to favorably impact on those with MDA, but look to your methods and trust your donors. Some people with a disability might welcome some form of help; some are fine without it. We would all like a voice and a say in how we are represented and viewed by those who know us and those who do not."

Thank you, Ruth Harrigan

...for this endorsement of [with]tv!

Same Old, same old...

Written by: Connie Kuusisto

I think I was ten years old when I saw my first Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. I was definitely too young to know better. For the next couple of years I spent much of Labor Day afternoon watching the spectacle. But I was ironing mind you - what better way to spend hours ironing your father's white dress shirts, slacks and hankies and your family's pillowcases than to watch all those celebrities dance and sing and applaud each other for the wonderful work they were doing. (Yes, we ironed pillowcases back in those days.)


Oh and the kids. Those "poor, sweet" kids. Why they were just as cute in their little leg braces and their wheelchairs as any of the kids I knew. It's a shame they couldn't run and play like I could. (Yeah, but they didn't have to stand there and iron for hours either.)

The money just kept pouring in as the oh, so generous people opened their wallets and corporations tried to best one another. A check for $10,000! Oh, thank you! Here's one for $50,000! Can you believe it? Oh, thank you, thank you! And here's little Timmy: Timmy cracked open his piggy bank and is donating $12.32. Timmy, your parents must be so proud of you...

Drum roll please...our new total is....!

On more than one occasion I plunked coins into the MDA display can by the cash register as I purchased bubble gum and ice cream. That was something to be proud of too wasn't it? I thought so...

You know, I'm not going to totally bash Jerry Lewis and the MDA Telethon. In the title of a post I submitted on Planet of the Blind, I stated that the wrong message overshadows the original good intentions and that's as cynical as I'm choosing to go. Jerry Lewis and thousands of other people have worked tirelessly to raise funds for medical care and research for people with disabilities. They do have good intentions don't they?

Here's the thing though: in the 27 years since I was ten years old, I've evolved. I almost never iron anymore. I've worked side by side with people with disabilities; I married a man who can't see; I've been involved in walkathons as support staff to people with disabilities (and their guide dogs) who raised all the money and then did all the walking. I've learned that no one needs my pity. I've come to understand that emotional appeals used by the telethon industry often lead to corresponding anguish felt by people with disabilities.

Yes, I have evolved. I wish I could say that the Jerry Lewis sponsored MDA Telethon has also, but strong voices insist otherwise. I wouldn't know. I haven't seen it in years. But I'm not the least bit surprised. Why just this morning I heard on the news that Tony Orlando is in NYC to perform for the telethon....I think he said he's been doing it for what, 28 years...?

9/1/07

Meet Columnist Ruth Harrigan

Ruth Harrigan is an attorney with a B.A. from Rutgers College and a J.D. from Wayne State University. She is a member of the NJ Coalition for Inclusive Ministries and started her blog Wheelie Catholic to raise awareness of the need for inclusion of people with disabilities. Ruth also writes essays and fiction about disability issues at her blog A Different Light. Ruth enjoys skiing and was nationally ranked as a wheelchair tennis player.

When a Man Loves a Quad

Written by: Ruth Harrigan

One of the negative attitudes toward the disabled I encounter socially is when I'm dating an able bodied man and someone assumes he's doing it out of pity or some misguided reason. (I also hate when I'm dating a disabled man and people say we're "cute together". Oh please.) People with disabilities are not asexual. Nor are we "less than" in terms of a catch, if you must think of it that way. (I hate talking about these things. It reminds me of awkward high school dances.)

Both before and after I acquired my disability, I've dated able bodied and disabled men. I never thought of it that way - putting people in categories. I dated a guy in college who was blind so I learned about radar canes and braille and such. We loved going out to dinner and theaters. When I dated an amputee, I learned about prosthetic legs. They, like the able bodied men I dated, had their own way of doing things in life. I don't see the difference if it happens to be about a piece of assistive equipment or a resourceful way to do something because of a disability. How is that any different from the able bodied man I dated who would only drive into New York city on one route and park in one parking lot? It was his way of doing things. Actually that was different - he was just being stubborn. But you get my point.

It's very difficult to write about this. There are a lot of bad memories-like the times when I've been at a social function with an able bodied man and another woman sidles up next to my wheelchair and asks "How did you catch him?" and I smile politely until she adds "with you in a wheelchair?" Or the people who ask him - or me- intrusive questions like whether I can have sex. Then there are the able bodied boyfriend's friends or family members who talk to me privately and suggest that I break up with him and not be "selfish so I don't ruin his life".

No, it's not easy to talk or write about this kind of thing from the point of view of the person who is being seen as the deficit. Much of it is like a quick hit and run where you don't even want to deal with the insurance company at all and prefer to take a hammer to the fender, bang it back in and pretend the accident never happened. But this behavior needs to be addressed just like other attitudes toward the disabled that continue to lurk around.

These attitudes come from a negative way of seeing the world - and disability. It says that a person with a disability is less than an able bodied person and a deficit as a partner. (When they refer to you as a "special someone", they don't mean it in a good way at all.) You might hold him back or, worse yet, "drag him down with you".

Into what? Where are we going? Where is all this fear coming from and where is it all taking us? Not toward inclusion. Not toward a vision of the world where all people are treated with dignity and respect. It is up to us to work out the boundaries and issues surrounding our relationship - the give and take and the reciprocity. This is the same as it is in all relationships. For those who assume that an able bodied person will become a burdened caregiver, I can only say this shows an exquisite lack of imagination as to the myriad possibilities that can be worked out. It exaggerates the situation in a negative way.

And if I have to be the special someone to say this, I will : jokes, sarcasm, crude and rude remarks, busybody interference and other misbehaviors are not only ableist but disrespectful of my autonomy and the autonomy of the man who loves me - as a quad

Cross-posted at Wheelie Catholic