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Written by: Connie Kuusisto
I think I was ten years old when I saw my first Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. I was definitely too young to know better. For the next couple of years I spent much of Labor Day afternoon watching the spectacle. But I was ironing mind you - what better way to spend hours ironing your father's white dress shirts, slacks and hankies and your family's pillowcases than to watch all those celebrities dance and sing and applaud each other for the wonderful work they were doing. (Yes, we ironed pillowcases back in those days.)
Oh and the kids. Those "poor, sweet" kids. Why they were just as cute in their little leg braces and their wheelchairs as any of the kids I knew. It's a shame they couldn't run and play like I could. (Yeah, but they didn't have to stand there and iron for hours either.)
The money just kept pouring in as the oh, so generous people opened their wallets and corporations tried to best one another. A check for $10,000! Oh, thank you! Here's one for $50,000! Can you believe it? Oh, thank you, thank you! And here's little Timmy: Timmy cracked open his piggy bank and is donating $12.32. Timmy, your parents must be so proud of you...
Drum roll please...our new total is....!
On more than one occasion I plunked coins into the MDA display can by the cash register as I purchased bubble gum and ice cream. That was something to be proud of too wasn't it? I thought so...
You know, I'm not going to totally bash Jerry Lewis and the MDA Telethon. In the title of a post I submitted on Planet of the Blind, I stated that the wrong message overshadows the original good intentions and that's as cynical as I'm choosing to go. Jerry Lewis and thousands of other people have worked tirelessly to raise funds for medical care and research for people with disabilities. They do have good intentions don't they?
Here's the thing though: in the 27 years since I was ten years old, I've evolved. I almost never iron anymore. I've worked side by side with people with disabilities; I married a man who can't see; I've been involved in walkathons as support staff to people with disabilities (and their guide dogs) who raised all the money and then did all the walking. I've learned that no one needs my pity. I've come to understand that emotional appeals used by the telethon industry often lead to corresponding anguish felt by people with disabilities.
Yes, I have evolved. I wish I could say that the Jerry Lewis sponsored MDA Telethon has also, but strong voices insist otherwise. I wouldn't know. I haven't seen it in years. But I'm not the least bit surprised. Why just this morning I heard on the news that Tony Orlando is in NYC to perform for the telethon....I think he said he's been doing it for what, 28 years...?
Showing posts with label ableism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ableism. Show all posts
9/2/07
9/1/07
When a Man Loves a Quad
Written by: Ruth Harrigan
One of the negative attitudes toward the disabled I encounter socially is when I'm dating an able bodied man and someone assumes he's doing it out of pity or some misguided reason. (I also hate when I'm dating a disabled man and people say we're "cute together". Oh please.) People with disabilities are not asexual. Nor are we "less than" in terms of a catch, if you must think of it that way. (I hate talking about these things. It reminds me of awkward high school dances.)
Both before and after I acquired my disability, I've dated able bodied and disabled men. I never thought of it that way - putting people in categories. I dated a guy in college who was blind so I learned about radar canes and braille and such. We loved going out to dinner and theaters. When I dated an amputee, I learned about prosthetic legs. They, like the able bodied men I dated, had their own way of doing things in life. I don't see the difference if it happens to be about a piece of assistive equipment or a resourceful way to do something because of a disability. How is that any different from the able bodied man I dated who would only drive into New York city on one route and park in one parking lot? It was his way of doing things. Actually that was different - he was just being stubborn. But you get my point.
It's very difficult to write about this. There are a lot of bad memories-like the times when I've been at a social function with an able bodied man and another woman sidles up next to my wheelchair and asks "How did you catch him?" and I smile politely until she adds "with you in a wheelchair?" Or the people who ask him - or me- intrusive questions like whether I can have sex. Then there are the able bodied boyfriend's friends or family members who talk to me privately and suggest that I break up with him and not be "selfish so I don't ruin his life".
No, it's not easy to talk or write about this kind of thing from the point of view of the person who is being seen as the deficit. Much of it is like a quick hit and run where you don't even want to deal with the insurance company at all and prefer to take a hammer to the fender, bang it back in and pretend the accident never happened. But this behavior needs to be addressed just like other attitudes toward the disabled that continue to lurk around.
These attitudes come from a negative way of seeing the world - and disability. It says that a person with a disability is less than an able bodied person and a deficit as a partner. (When they refer to you as a "special someone", they don't mean it in a good way at all.) You might hold him back or, worse yet, "drag him down with you".
Into what? Where are we going? Where is all this fear coming from and where is it all taking us? Not toward inclusion. Not toward a vision of the world where all people are treated with dignity and respect. It is up to us to work out the boundaries and issues surrounding our relationship - the give and take and the reciprocity. This is the same as it is in all relationships. For those who assume that an able bodied person will become a burdened caregiver, I can only say this shows an exquisite lack of imagination as to the myriad possibilities that can be worked out. It exaggerates the situation in a negative way.
And if I have to be the special someone to say this, I will : jokes, sarcasm, crude and rude remarks, busybody interference and other misbehaviors are not only ableist but disrespectful of my autonomy and the autonomy of the man who loves me - as a quad
One of the negative attitudes toward the disabled I encounter socially is when I'm dating an able bodied man and someone assumes he's doing it out of pity or some misguided reason. (I also hate when I'm dating a disabled man and people say we're "cute together". Oh please.) People with disabilities are not asexual. Nor are we "less than" in terms of a catch, if you must think of it that way. (I hate talking about these things. It reminds me of awkward high school dances.)
Both before and after I acquired my disability, I've dated able bodied and disabled men. I never thought of it that way - putting people in categories. I dated a guy in college who was blind so I learned about radar canes and braille and such. We loved going out to dinner and theaters. When I dated an amputee, I learned about prosthetic legs. They, like the able bodied men I dated, had their own way of doing things in life. I don't see the difference if it happens to be about a piece of assistive equipment or a resourceful way to do something because of a disability. How is that any different from the able bodied man I dated who would only drive into New York city on one route and park in one parking lot? It was his way of doing things. Actually that was different - he was just being stubborn. But you get my point.
It's very difficult to write about this. There are a lot of bad memories-like the times when I've been at a social function with an able bodied man and another woman sidles up next to my wheelchair and asks "How did you catch him?" and I smile politely until she adds "with you in a wheelchair?" Or the people who ask him - or me- intrusive questions like whether I can have sex. Then there are the able bodied boyfriend's friends or family members who talk to me privately and suggest that I break up with him and not be "selfish so I don't ruin his life".
No, it's not easy to talk or write about this kind of thing from the point of view of the person who is being seen as the deficit. Much of it is like a quick hit and run where you don't even want to deal with the insurance company at all and prefer to take a hammer to the fender, bang it back in and pretend the accident never happened. But this behavior needs to be addressed just like other attitudes toward the disabled that continue to lurk around.
These attitudes come from a negative way of seeing the world - and disability. It says that a person with a disability is less than an able bodied person and a deficit as a partner. (When they refer to you as a "special someone", they don't mean it in a good way at all.) You might hold him back or, worse yet, "drag him down with you".
Into what? Where are we going? Where is all this fear coming from and where is it all taking us? Not toward inclusion. Not toward a vision of the world where all people are treated with dignity and respect. It is up to us to work out the boundaries and issues surrounding our relationship - the give and take and the reciprocity. This is the same as it is in all relationships. For those who assume that an able bodied person will become a burdened caregiver, I can only say this shows an exquisite lack of imagination as to the myriad possibilities that can be worked out. It exaggerates the situation in a negative way.
And if I have to be the special someone to say this, I will : jokes, sarcasm, crude and rude remarks, busybody interference and other misbehaviors are not only ableist but disrespectful of my autonomy and the autonomy of the man who loves me - as a quad
Cross-posted at Wheelie Catholic
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